Returning to the Point

It's so natural to become embroiled in our "stuff." And then suddenly, as a spinning teacup with a loose connection, we are ejected from the consuming turmoil and we stand, dazed, outside of it.

What does it take to remember what we really want?

Some breaths, that's for sure. Maybe a walk when we wouldn't have otherwise walked. And support. The ability to discuss things (if we wish to) with our family/peers is the most important. Do we all have that person to mull with?

In lieu of that, how about five words that are highly representative...and we'll go from there.

Off to make a list!

How Quickly We Forget!

The task I had to do the other day had been hanging over my head for many months...six, perhaps? I finally completed all the parts, and it is DONE. Strangely, it's as if it never existed, as if I hadn't fretted and planned to accomplish it at all, let alone to the worried degree that I did. All I can see now is all the things I have yet to accomplish.

This is so common amongst my clients. We are so accustomed to worrying and suffering, that it is hard to take a moment to do two things: 1. Say, Well done! Finally! 2. Be inspired by our achievement to do it again.

So you achieved one task...terrific!

Today

Today I will deal with at least one problem which, left undone, continues to grow in its problematic-ness.

There may be parts to the task, such as finding the elements you need to deal with it, going to the place, and dealing with it.

I'll let you know when I'm done, and hope you do the same.

I am not a maid

And neither are you, but sometimes we have to clean up our stuff.

Let's do as good a job as the maid would!

Empty it Out

The other day, I removed two NYC maps from my door. I liked them and always meant to use them, but rarely did. Now the space is free. I eye it, imagining different uses for it, but right now its vacancy is pleasing enough.

Is there one small place you can empty out and enjoy? What is it?

Organizing and the Brain

Hoarding has been shown to be related to the prefrontal cerebral cortex. This is the part of the brain responsible for decision making, as well as related to anxiety disorders.

What this means is, when you have trouble "getting rid of things," as so many are apt to prescribe, you may be living according to your brain. It doesn't mean it's impossible for you to get rid of things, but have a little mercy on yourself.

Fatty thighs may run in your family, and you fight against them. The minute you stop fighting, they return...the same with clutter. It doesn't mean you can't live clutter-free, but you may be predisposed to have to fight hard for it.

I know I am!

After the holiday

If you don't like unpacking from a trip, dump your bag in a pile on the floor or couch and put the bag/suitcase it was in away.

Put all the dirty laundry in the basket.

You will naturally whittle away at the rest.

Welcome home!

To Make Or Not Make the Bed

As you know, I'm a huge advocate of making the bed.

This week I was getting my Level II Certification in Narrative Therapy at the Evanston Family Therapy Center. One of the therapists spoke about a mother and daughter who were seeing her. The mother had many goals to discuss, especially her daughter's recalcitrance to making the bed. It turned out that the girl found comfort in returning home to her unmade bed. It made her feel cozy and safe.

If not making the bed makes you feel cozy and safe, don't make it. Otherwise...you know what to do.

Resting eyes

Having places for your eyes to rest in your environment is really important for your mental health.

Make your bed.

Clear a small space on your desk by recycling or filing a few papers. Take those mugs to the kitchen.

Clear off your nightstand.

You will feel the delight as your eyes rest, and your body follows!

How to Help Others Seek Help

A colleague recently asked me to include the topic of how to "get people to get help" in my reorganizing presentation.

In the past, my answer has always been to not even recommend seeking help. Reorganizing is so personal, emotional, and often intense, that I did not believe that it could be pursued for the sake or recommendation of others. However, I have seen families torn apart due to clutter and behavior surrounding clutter.

I contacted my friend who is a psychoanalyst. Explaining that I only recommend him to people if they openly indicate a need, I wondered if the same was possible for reorganizing. The difference was, I thought, that people more often have their own agenda when they recommend that a friend or parent get a Reorganizer. That is, a person will say to his/her spouse, "You're a mess. I can't take it. You need help." How awful, I had thought, and thus discouraged it.

My psychoanalyst friend gave me some great advice.

There are two ways to help someone close to you think about getting help:

1. Stay with his(/her) emotions.

If your husband says he can't take it anymore, don't judge or insist that he work with a Reorganizer, just stay with his frustration, his overwhelm. As my friend put it, this could take a long time, and the person might never ask for help, but it is a form of support. However, he might eventually confide in you that he does need help, knowing that you are trustworthy, supportive, and do not push him to change.

2. Talk about yourself.

If your partner lives in such a way that is becoming unbearable to you, explain that to her. Talk gently about how frustrated and overwhelmed you are becoming. If she becomes defensive, explain that you can talk about her feelings later, but right now you her to understand your feelings. Don't speak about her changing to please you or to help herself, but simply about your own difficulties which have been created or magnified by her clutter.

The dynamic of couples is very complex. One thing is certain, though. Clutter is often an unpleasant thorn in the health of relationships.

I welcome your comments!